Menopause: from pretty to frumpy to elegant and classy

As hormones change, sun and gravity have their effect on our bodies, our appearance tends to change – some say deteriorate. Peri-menopause and the period around when my hormones finally stopped were for me times of rapid change and a lot of angst and upset. However, after a period of grieving I've tried to move on the best I can - with the support of the man in my life .

Neville said of his ex-partner whom he saw the other day after a long time – “She has not aged well…frumpy…puffy.” The lady is wealthy and available, but never seems to keep a boyfriend. It’s not just her looks that sabotage her relationships and anyway, there is a lot more she could do to attract and keep a nice man.

Another older man told me with tragic sadness of the lost great love of his life “I watched her change (from a very pretty, young woman)”.  He’d still be with her today if that was possible. He keeps telling me of her quick intellect, their compatibility, the way the chemistry between them never died and of course how stylist and elegant she was and how hard she worked to maintain her appearance. From what he says, she worked very hard to be a better person in all aspects of her life.

So here is the clue to maintain one’s attractiveness – working to be the best possible person one can be and aiming for classy and elegant. This cannot happen overnight and is more a journey than a destination.

Identifying areas of personal improvement, learning to be more professional, correcting toxic relationships and building accomplishment take a long time. One needs time to learn about make up and clothing, to change one’s style, to lose weight and become more fit and to purchase the make up, shoes, accessories and clothing required.   

My tactic has been too pick off key areas one at a time – make that change routine – and move onto the next area of improvement. Key strategies I’ve put in place include using oestrogen cream, vitamin A and vitamin E to stop my facial skin looking papery and wrinkly, using henna to colour my greying hair and changing my presentation to more classy and elegant by buying more suitable and better made clothing and footwear.

…and a note of caution …I don’t think heroic efforts to restore one’s appearance are necessary or key to maintaining the attention of one’s partner. At some stage it becomes an advantage to “age gracefully”. If appearance is so very important to him or her, you are just putting off the inevitable with radical cosmetic surgery etc. Sooner or later they will wander off after some pretty young thing – it would be better for you that they do this earlier while you have a better chance to find someone really nice who will last the distance.

New Hornibrook Bridge March 2012. A long bike ride to get to the other side - but possible through the support of a good and faithful companion.

In support of natural inner labia!

One thing that really gets up my nose is the fashion fad for reducing inner labia in size!  While trying to show respect for the choice of individuals, I’m really upset at the processes in society that are driving uptake of this cosmetic surgery option.

For commentary please see Em & Lo “do men care what labia look like” and Joanna Cake “Vaginal cosmetic surgery”.  There appear to be two basic reasons for women to seek reduction of their inner labia – a desire to look like pornography actresses and discomfort during sport and other activities. I am stating the obvious I believe when I say – pornography is make believe and should not be the benchmark for normality!

I believe that reducing inner labia may reduce feeling during sex – they certainly seem sensitive.  Also, cutting something off one’s body can have side effects. As to the discomfort angle, I would argue its better to change the environment than to change a perfectly normal human!

I find my pubic hair tends to cushion and protect my labia, so I suggest retention of pubic hair for comfort. Perhaps looser clothing including underwear with a greater width of material in the crotch area would reduce rubbing and something like a fluffy sanitary napkin could be invented to provide cushioning and protection during sport etc. Properly fitted stretch jeans without heavy seams would also be kinder on sensitive labia. I’d hope someone has invented a bicycle seat that does not rub or crush the vulva (mine was terrible - and the replacement is not perfect)!

One also has to consider the inner labia tend to become smaller after menopause….

Lilypilly new growth - Southbank Parklands - May 2011