Saturday, 17 March 2012

Menopause: from pretty to frumpy to elegant and classy

As hormones change, sun and gravity have their effect on our bodies, our appearance tends to change – some say deteriorate. Peri-menopause and the period around when my hormones finally stopped were for me times of rapid change and a lot of angst and upset. However, after a period of grieving I've tried to move on the best I can - with the support of the man in my life .

Neville said of his ex-partner whom he saw the other day after a long time – “She has not aged well…frumpy…puffy.” The lady is wealthy and available, but never seems to keep a boyfriend. It’s not just her looks that sabotage her relationships and anyway, there is a lot more she could do to attract and keep a nice man.

Another older man told me with tragic sadness of the lost great love of his life “I watched her change (from a very pretty, young woman)”.  He’d still be with her today if that was possible. He keeps telling me of her quick intellect, their compatibility, the way the chemistry between them never died and of course how stylist and elegant she was and how hard she worked to maintain her appearance. From what he says, she worked very hard to be a better person in all aspects of her life.

So here is the clue to maintain one’s attractiveness – working to be the best possible person one can be and aiming for classy and elegant. This cannot happen overnight and is more a journey than a destination.

Identifying areas of personal improvement, learning to be more professional, correcting toxic relationships and building accomplishment take a long time. One needs time to learn about make up and clothing, to change one’s style, to lose weight and become more fit and to purchase the make up, shoes, accessories and clothing required.   

My tactic has been too pick off key areas one at a time – make that change routine – and move onto the next area of improvement. Key strategies I’ve put in place include using oestrogen cream, vitamin A and vitamin E to stop my facial skin looking papery and wrinkly, using henna to colour my greying hair and changing my presentation to more classy and elegant by buying more suitable and better made clothing and footwear.

…and a note of caution …I don’t think heroic efforts to restore one’s appearance are necessary or key to maintaining the attention of one’s partner. At some stage it becomes an advantage to “age gracefully”. If appearance is so very important to him or her, you are just putting off the inevitable with radical cosmetic surgery etc. Sooner or later they will wander off after some pretty young thing – it would be better for you that they do this earlier while you have a better chance to find someone really nice who will last the distance.
New Hornibrook Bridge March 2012. A long bike ride to get to the other side - but possible through the support of a good and faithful companion.


  1. Hey Candace
    Another important key is to keep up the great sex instead of just retiring it. Men still need love and affection and to be desired by their woman. In fact men get most of their affectional needs met through sex with his wife.
    If you force him to masturbate alone it breeds
    real resentment on the part of the guy.

    And for God's sake NEVER EVER wear granny panties. Keep up with good quality and sexy lingerie

    Blessings on you and yours

  2. Where the resentment comes in for me is when a woman parties her life away with countless lovers then when she finds a decent man she lets herself go. Then she shows me a pic of herself @ 25, as if that's supposed to get me aroused. Happened more than once or twice in my years of dating.

    One should try to look their best and be their best at all times in their life, man or woman.


  3. Thank you for the comments John and BJ.

    As always very insightful and I can learn something. YES - good lingerie and plenty of high quality sex is something we can all do (all things being equal), no matter our age or objective level of visual attractiveness.

    Yes BJ - for me your comment brings up two issues. 1. Self concept and vanity leading to use of non representative pics. One of the main complaints I get from my male friends dating online is that the photo hardly ever matches the person. A lot of time is wasted on chatting up a lady only to meet her in person to see she is totally unattractive to him. The irony is that a realistic photo may have led to meeting someone truly attracted. 2. The issue of wasting all your good years on some loser and then only having the less attractive and productive years to offer a decent man. This is a personal worry for me - as you know I did not party etc and look fairly good now, but I worry about relying on Awesome's generosity when I have not contributed to his success.

    and ...I totally agree - one should look their best and be their best at all times - I mentioned this to Awesome saying not doing so was robbing the partner, and he heartily agreed!

    Thank you both of you for contributing!

    :-) C