Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Experiences of first sex

I think it’s useful for people to reflect on how having sex the first time with another person will probably not be the perfect performance one hopes. Indeed, I’ve found sex to be surprisingly different with different men so I approach a first time with low expectations and an open mind.

In contrast however, some of my male friends seem pretty wound up about making the experience perfect and feel very inadequate if they can’t maintain an erection. In my opinion, a lady that is looking for a long term relationship and who is not understanding and does not do her best to help the man relax and enjoy himself is really screening herself out of being long term relationship material.

Another issue for me is that men (ha – sounds so ‘experienced’ but in reality I have had few partners) can get over excited (so much so they are shaking) and start rushing ahead and taking ‘liberties’ when I would hope they would take things a little slower. I understand they are probably feeling quite a lot of pent up ‘demand’ and am patient while trying to control the process to ensure my boundaries are not crossed.    

A fellow blogger provides some very good insights into how a man might experience sex for the first time with a particular woman, especially if he has not had sex with another person for a long time:
  • Anxiety about performance affecting his erection and also difficulty orgasming. 
  • Using Viagra and still having issues with his erection due to attraction or anxiety issues
  • The difference between masturbation and real sex negatively impacting performance
  •  The challenges of using a condom when an erection is hard to maintain  
  • Lack of practice negatively impacting arousal and erection
  • Bad surprises when clothes come off including less than perfect body and unclean smells.   
 The writer claims women instinctively prefer men with sexual experience, as things are more likely to work well. This might be so, but I would maintain that a really nice man that is inexperienced may well be a really good prospect for a long term relationship and it would be worth taking the time to develop his sexual confidence.   

How should I approach first time sex with an inexperienced man or someone who has not had sex for sometime? Well I guess I’d take things slowly – start with holding hands, graduate to kissing etc over several dates. I’d also discuss sexual history, expectations and what we should do together so we were on the same page. Of course I’d make sure he knew how very attractive I found him and do things to spoil him. I think it does not have to be said, but being freshly showered and well presented is essential.

What do you guys think? Is there anything else that a woman should take into account when considering how she can get her new boyfriend to relax and enjoy sex, however it plays out?  

Two very relaxed insects I saved from a quick end at the hands of Awesome!

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