Saturday, 14 January 2012

Post menopause women don't need to fear their husband will chase after younger and "fertile" women!

I’ve found reference again to how post menopause women are not attractive (since they are not fertile) and therefore at risk of their husbands running off with younger more beautiful women!!!!!!! I’ll not dignify the blog/post with a link.

This is an urban myth propagated by younger people who understandably do not find mature women attractive. People should be careful about accepting and propagating negative stereotypes. This particular one is untrue and very hurtful.  

I’ve met a good many mature men looking for affairs and divorced men looking for a second wife. None of them have said – “oh dear me, my wife is old and fat and thus unattractive and therefore I feel compelled to seek a younger and therefore more attractive option”. I mentioned the issue to Neville who is interviewing ladies re partnership and he was indignant and amazed that anyone could say older women are not attractive.

It is true however that middle aged men re-evaluate their lives (just as do women) and thus might choose to move on from a long term relationship – either in entirety or just sexually.  

The reasons I’ve been told by men for moving on sexually include:
·        Wife does not want to have sex with me or wife does not want to have enough sex with me.
·        Wife does not like me and does not have sex with me.
·        We are not compatible and I am looking for more than just boring sex.
·        Wife is not affectionate.
·        Wife is boring in bed and generally boring. 
·        Wife is a cranky harpy.
·        Wife is lazy and boring with poor grooming and presentation.
·        I (or wife) want to divorce.
There are also those sad cases where illness and disability cut short intimacy between a couple.  

Married men seem totally willing to overlook figure flaws and the effects of aging and take into account shared history, excellent mothering and housekeeping skills, diligence and self development, efforts at presentation and grooming and sexual compatibility and sexual participation. I suspect men still see the young girl they married when they look at their wife. It does not seem hard to keep a husband faithful though middle age and beyond.

I’ve also found unmarried men seeking a new wife and men seeking affairs quite willing to consider a woman their own age or in some cases older if desired sexual and other compatibility factors are present. It seems chemistry, connection and compatibility are much more important than being ‘young and fertile’. Indeed, Neville thinks lack of fertility is a definite advantage!          

My motto is “not older, better”! Please remember this and avoid being needlessly hurtful by propagating unfounded urban myths.

Thank you! :-) C  

Gum blossoms are attractive at all stages of their life cycle from bud to mature nut ... but one may not see their beauty until one is ready to see it!


  1. I love this post, Candice. While I'm some people (not just men) really do lose interest specifically with their partner's looks, it happens at any age. And if it happens at any age then emphasizing one age over another is just stereotype reinforcement.

    Meanwhile the other reasons you list are much more plausible, particularly for very long-term relationships. Although, hmm, now that I'm thinking about it even that shows up more predictably at certain points in a relationship than at certain ages. (For instance I seem to recall there's a spike in divorce rates at the 21-22 year mark whether the couple marries in their early 20s or mid 40s.)

    Either way I agree with you that it's way more complicated than the popular but too-pat stories about husbands leaving because their partners "lose their looks" post-menopause.


  2. Thank you Figleaf - I appreciate your support and extra explanation. I seek to change the world one blog post at a time. Ladies approaching and experiencing menopause are often very upset and worried over losing their looks and sexuality. It does not help to read about unhelpful and erroneous negative stereotypes. Thanks again! :-) C

  3. Many of the couples I know in this age range who divorce have been unhappy for years - it was only once the kids were grown up that they focused on how incompatible their sex drives were, or felt free to split without irreparably damaging the children.

    The empty nest time is a big change and it can throw other things into the light.

  4. Thank you Karalyn - I believe you are quite right. Empty nest time is really a time for re-evaluation and falls neatly in mid life for most, so that just reinforces the re-evaluation. Please keep on commenting - only through many perspectives can we get the right picture! :-) C

  5. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

    Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

    Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

    Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

    And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

    Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

    Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

    It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

    And even begging to be with you.

    Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

    Thanks again.