Living in a world of couples ….

When I was younger I did not notice the world was filled with couples and that one’s social group tends to be determined in part by one’s relationship status.  

Within social occasions there seem to be niches tailored to the target group, so if everyone is partnered, it’s hard to fit in without a partner. For example, if you are going to a wedding – you need to bring someone of the opposite gender, except if you are gay and then the same gender is acceptable.

Another key issue for a lady with mostly male friends is that once the male friends get married, they tend to be wary of showing friendship to a lady, let alone a single lady!  

So how do you avoid looking like a lone predatory seabird sitting on a rock? How do you avoid unsettling every married woman (or man) in the room? FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, THAT’S HOW! No, not that kind of benefit silly! I mean social benefits. You need a selection of socially acceptable people you can invite to partner you at weddings and other social events.

Awesome is very busy and often away on business, so I’ve cultivated a stable of male friends with social benefits. Billy may attend lectures and seminars if they are of interest to him. Ellis will attend social events and Nelson has specifically offered to attend weddings - after seeing my social plight at Ronaldo’s wedding.  FIXED!  

…..and as I write this I am reminded that the world of the older single is sooo different from the world of the married person. We should take this into account when arranging social functions so singles are not further socially isolated. 

Usually I don't photograph people - but on a recent trip to Moreton Bay I was struck by the beauty and meaning of the combination of people and landscape ... and as I look back at those photos I see the family groups, the pairs of friends and the lovers - and morose singles sitting alone ...  

Friends with benefits – Part 1 rationalisation

I’ve got a very conservative friend that thinks I am still a very conservative woman (hehe)! Anyway – I suspect he has a friend with benefits – a very nice lady who I’ve talked to and like. A number of other male friends have confessed to FWB.

I know people of all ages do the FWB thing, but I feel that the FWB model is probably becoming more appropriate for me as I age.  As a young woman I really wanted a capable and loving man that would be a real partner and work with me to found a family and build a nice home and life. I made a bad choice and got neither family nor nice home, but accrued a continuing obligation to care for another person.  Hello Candice – one woman welfare system! 

….anyway …. there is no doubt my needs and opportunities as a mature woman have changed…..

My marriage experience has somewhat put me off live-in commitment to another person. I also value my independence and I think the biological drivers for live-in commitment have lessened. Another matter to take into consideration is that pregnancy is totally unlikely.  I can therefore understand why someone would go with FWB rather than waiting in noble suffering for a traditional long term relationship.       

Realistically speaking it takes a very long time to find a soul mate – if every 1 in 400 is a soul mate, then that is a lot of dates! I’ve seen my male mates search for years. Meantime, there is a need for closeness, affection and support. It is a very lonely experience being single!

Having a friend with benefits however could have some downsides – you could pair bond with a person that did not do the same with you and therefore become unable to commit to another person. Also, intimate contact could lead to contracting a non treatable STD such as herpes (HSV) or HPV.

Overall, I am in favour of this friendship model …     

A different perspective ...