Associated with being able to walk in the shoes of others is also the realisation that people can't read our minds. Some people, often males, cannot interpret clues and hints as easily as others and require messages to be spelt out. The skill of course is in doing this politely without appearing brusque.
The matter of forthrightness comes to my mind just now because a friend has just broken up with a girlfriend - they seemed eminently unsuited and she seemed quite self-centred, so I am not unhappy at the break up. However, after the break up she wrote a long letter to him detailing all the things he SHOULD HAVE DONE sexually. Nary a word was spoken previously and she did not deviate from her limited sexual style even though he made requests I would rate as very reasonable. Was she just being mean? Did he fail Mind Reading 101? Did she want a man that was more assertive sexually? Who knows?
ANYWAY ...I do find difficulties in communicating what I want sexually. One prominent reason, especially at the start, was that I did not know what I wanted! Heaps of reading and experience has helped fix that, but still at times I prefer to just try things out because I don't have enough information to form an opinion up front.
A second reason is shyness and not wanting to appear wanton. Of course, men tend to prefer their women to be wanton in private, even though they may prefer someone who is well-presented and well-behaved in public. I let Awesome wheedle "shy" preferences out of me. Sometimes its just more fun to share information that way!
The learnings? It's not all about you. Don't expect anyone to be a mind reader. Try hard to speak up and do your best to facilitate your partner to voice their preferences.
|Brisbane July 2009 - Victoria Bridge looking towards the CBD|