I’ve not been blogging seriously for a while due to difficulty in approaching this post. I am somewhat known for being positive, even about menopause – hubris perhaps?
Not so long ago I had a major menopause crisis. It was preceded by distressing <ahem> private symptoms - after a lot of angst - diagnosis of genital atrophy. I will blog on that one day – there are many lessons to learn. Also, a fairly sudden deterioration in the skin of my face and neck – it looked thinner and much less elastic. I was suddenly looking OLD!
All this led to a review of other creeping changes – the reduction in libido, fatigue, compromised memory and cognition, lack of motivation for things that once motivated and an intolerance for certain people. Once I could move mountains with my intellect, now I could only make slow progress on a molehill. I was no longer the person I used to be and that was very, very SCARY!
Not only that, I could see the problems I faced in getting my life back together and could even form some foggy goals, but lacked the motivation and emotional, mental and physical capability to do so. Obviously I had failed to liquidate my equities before the drop in value, but also I needed to do a heap of other mundane and more challenging things to achieve a reasonable life.
I desperately needed support – usually I can support myself – but I rang Billy almost in tears. Unfortunately the vagaries of the stock market were at that very time losing him a very great deal of money. Anyway, he thought I was tired and emotional and suggested a good sleep. I went to bed in tears desperate for help and facing huge challenges, alone, with diminished resources. I realised men - even soul twins - often don’t understand the profoundly disturbing impact of menopause, but that is also another blog article!
After a couple of days Awesome returned from a business trip. We sat in his lovely, warm comfortable car in a dark cold street in West End and I told him of my fears – “It’s not fair … perverse outcomes .... my world is ending … I’m a different person physically, mentally and emotionally …I need to access medicine and I don’t know how to get it without distressing and invasive tests …”. He thought for a bit and then said “you have a pleasant personality, hang on to that…and have faith that there is a solution…and faith in your subconscious.” Then he bought me a nice dinner with hot chocolate in a charming bohemian restaurant filled with students, warmth and hope.
|Sunsets are nice – but are followed by darkness!|