Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Why oral sex?

I've been engaged in an interesting conversation with a conservative lady on Athol's blog. I do hope I am sufficiently respectful of her views and values in this post - if not sincere apologies!

"Candice, quite apart from the health issues regarding hygiene and bacteria, which I accept could be controlled, the idea that any woman would willing allow a man to do this is beyond my understanding. What is it suposed to do for her? What does hse achieve by placing herself in such a degraded, submissive position, allowing a man to use her as a vessel for lust? She receives no sexual gratification by doing so, so the act is totally one-sided, quite apart from the negative physical and mental hygiene issues that arise from it."

Lots of people don’t do it. I can understand that and respect their views. If Awesome did not want to let me do it, I’d respect his decision.  I also need to say upfront that how one feels about something is very closely connected to how one frames it. Both Awesome and I are very respectful of each other and no one feels degraded in our relationship. 

I must admit I was not into oral sex when I was younger and then really could not help myself with the great love of my life! He would never have asked because he thought it selfish of a man to request oral sex. So I guess the first reason for oral sex was that I really loved him and feel a very strong connection. I then had to convince him I liked doing it befiore he settled into enjoying himself.

Also, men really, really like oral sex! Ask him to suck your finger – I am guessing the sensation of oral sex for a man is something like that in combination with g-spot stimulation.  I’d do it just to make him feel good! I can feel his excitement and pleasure and that makes me feel good as well. Basically it’s a bonding experience like any other form of sex.

Another way that a woman benefits from oral sex is that it’s a great way to “fluff up” a man. Fluffing up becomes more important as they get older and need some stimulation to gain an erection – but even young men may need something to get their engine running. In addition, if the erection is not sufficiently strong for normal sex or the vagina not available for use, one can bring a man to orgasm through oral sex.

Note that as you get older and your body changes, you need to innovate to keep sex happening, so it’s not good to limit your array of tactics! On the other hand, if husband and wife both are a bit over it all, a good cuddle and a cup of tea may be sufficient to keep everyone happy!

I’m not saying everyone should do it and I’m certainly saying that everyone should be clean and not spread disease, but I am saying being open-minded might be a good idea. Every new idea I’ve had has been welcomed by my dear conservative man - even some I've tried to hide!

BTW – there are blogs that analyse the theology on the issue of sex between married partners. These people know their Bible better than me, so I don’t go there in this blog. Similarly, I don't worry too much about defining depravity.

BTW – I think some Americans may be more conservative than us here in Australia.
An interesting cityscape - George Street, Brisbane


  1. The lady on Athol's blog refers to herself as "Anglican", so she can't be American. Americans refer to that sect as "Episcopalian". The attitude she presents is shockingly abnormal in conservative American churches, as I pointed out over there.

    BTW, this is Mousie, I've changed the name I'm using to blog.

  2. Thank you for telling me M - I did not read all the comments properly due to being quite sick these days. Actually, if she had asked, I was going to direct her to your blog (plus a couple of others) for a theological analysis.

    I can identify with her learning "journey" because I was brought up in a very conservative way, mix socially with conservative cultures and belong to a conservative church - and needed to make quite a journey to my current level of awareness. It is quite amazing the load of limiting beliefs that are passed on to us by well meaning others!

  3. A line from "The Animaniacs" comes to mind.

    Walrus woman in a huff: "Well I've never..."

    Slappy Squirrel interrupts: "...you should it's fun."

    In the end there are far graver "sins" to be addressed than what two consenting adults do in privacy.

    "Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other sins are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful--just stupid.)" Robert Heinlein

  4. Thank you Odysseus for your thoughtful comment. I agree - as I have become older I have come to believe sin is a much more complicated matter than rule-based humans can perceive and that we may be quite suprised when we get to heaven as to what God actually thinks about our way of interpreting his Word.

    I sometimes despair we spend huge amounts of time worrying about other people's business and small matters, rather than the stuff that really matters. For example, women worrying their husbands look at pornography while their accumulation of wealth could easily save 100s of lives if provided to the right charity ...

    Thank you - please keep commenting! :-) C

  5. In my first marriage, I could not perform oral sex on my husband. It caused such drama for us, that I eventually shut down sexually, not wanting him in any way.

    Several years after my divorce, I began dating a close male friend I had known all of my adult life. I worried that I would not be able to be sexual with him, that something was wrong with me. He calmed my fears and eased me back into sex. Strangely, giving him a blow job is my favorite sexual activity. It makes me feel so close to him, so connected, and when he moans and surrenders to me, it is the most amazing thing on this earth and it arouses me (my whole body shakes).

    I do not fully understand why I could go from one extreme to the other, but I suspect it is because I had no chemistry or trust with my former husband, and I have amazing chemistry and trust with my current partner. I also think I have mellowed with age, and things that freaked me out at 20, don't bother me as much in my 40's.

    I would be interested to know if other women have experienced the same 180 degree turnaround when with a different partner.

  6. Thank you for your comment - it really brings up many interesting issues and lessons. I believe I have experienced a similar difference between partners, although I had not shut down sexually, just gone completely off my ex.

    I noticed a much increased libido in my 40s and also a greater consciousness of my body and of our relationship. I think I spent my 20s on remote control! Therefore, part of the wonderful change we have experienced is due to hormone changes and perhaps even aging!

    Your comment on mellowing is right on as well - I think as conservative women we worry far too much about sex in our 20s - as in the RULES and being a GOOD girl. By our 40s hopefully we've moved on a bit to a more realistic and relaxed attitude.

    It's interesting just how situational desire is for women. Your experience teaches us that we cannot write ourselves off sexually or indeed another person unless we've road tested things a little. Of course, there are people who are genuinely low libido across all relationships. I'm not sure how to sort that out before one commits one's heart!

    Thank you again for your valuable insights - please continue to comment! :-) C

  7. My wife has never done oral to completion on me, although she does give me oral on occasion. For her, she can't get past the consistency of semen (in much the same way she cannot eat runny eggs). She also has a small mouth structure and TMJ making it painful for her. All that aside, she will do it for me. Actually, I much prefer her hand jobs. She is a master at it!!

    On the other hand (no pun intended) I absolutely LOVE giving her oral and she loves it too!! She can have her best orgasms that way. Being that close to the action, hearing her moans of delight and feeling her orgasm is the BEST!!!