Friday, 22 April 2011

Anal sex - for the queasy!

Anal sex seems to be something people have fantasies about, but which many people don’t have the chance to explore, especially very conservative people like us.  I never thought  I’d get the chance and was quite surprised when my partner skipped the part in the article that I wanted him to read and went straight to the anal sex part and asked me straight out if I was interested.  I was shy of course, but shy does not have to be a problem.  He enjoyed persuading me to tell the details of my long term fascination with the idea….and because he is the practical one, he set about working out how we could explore what was becoming a mutual fascination.

John the marriage coach provides instructions for successful anal sex, and there are many other articles online offering advice. I’d suggest you start with the Wikipedia article to get some good background information. You need to research and then negotiate with your partner to develop the best approach for you both.  As with any mutual partner activity, I would not try to force anyone to do anything.

  • There is a risk of spreading disease with anal sex – diseases like HIV can be picked up from unsafe anal sex and anything that touches the anus and then the vulva can cause thrush or another infection.  Need I mention how poo can cause stomach upsets?  
  • The anus and colon are not as robust as the vagina. There should NEVER be strong pain or bleeding. Pulling out fast when there is pain can make things heaps worse – so stop, wait and gently withdraw. See your doctor if pain or bleeding persists.
We’re pretty concerned with hygiene, so John’s suggestion for the man to lick the lady’s anus went down like a lead balloon! We are very happy with using fingers and toys, such as butt plugs, to prepare the anus.  We also use condoms and thin plastic gloves (you can buy them in boxes of 50 for food preparation of first aid) for anything that goes on or in the anus.  These can then be shed (pull back over themselves and put into a waste bin) and the finger, penis or toy does not have to be washed before it touches anything else. Moreover, plastic toys don’t pick up strange smells!  

John suggests a position where the lady (i.e. the one that is penetrated) controls the thrusting – in this way she avoids being hurt.  However, we much prefer that he does the moving.  We find that a rear entry spoons position works well for us and usually go with that.

Pain upon entry can be practically eliminated by lots of foreplay with a vibrator or butt plug or fingers.  We usually work up to two fingers inserted before inserting his penis.  Then he pushes firmly for a little bit and stops when I say it hurts, then he waits until I give him permission to push again.  Once he’s cleared my two sphincter muscles I feel very comfortable and he can start thrusting gently.  When things are going well he can thrust deeply and faster, according to his preference. 

Here are some tips:
  • Prepare well beforehand and have everything you need at hand – condoms, lube, plastic gloves, tissues, sex toys, waste bin.
  • Make sure you have plenty of time to experiment and that there will be no interruptions.
  • Watch your diet (eat fibre etc) so that you poo regularly and in soft but firm parcels – don’t have anal sex if there is something in your large colon or the poo is really sticky - then there is little likelihood of encountering anything yucky.
  • Use a thick lubricant that is condom friendly and use heaps of it renewing it frequently.
  • Make sure the penis is really firm and that it will stay that way.
  • Stop if there is pain and don’t withdraw suddenly – let the person that is penetrated control the action.
  • Concentrate on being very relaxed, especially if there is pain due to the sphincter muscle tightening.
 OK - good luck with your experiments!


  1. A good silicone-based lubricant is what I want when having anal. It's slicker than water-based lubes and really adds to the sensation. There's just something about having your lover offer herself up to you that way. There's a very primal feeling about it. The rutting into her that way is such a turn-on to me.

    Thickness of the cock as well as shape and diameter of the head is important too. A mushroom head swelled to its maximum at peak erection stretches the anal opening and can cause the most initial pain. Of course I'm talking about average to slightly above average penises. If a man is hung like a horse he'd better be with a woman experienced with anal.

    But for the 5-6 inch erection once he's penetrated her with the cock head and the initial shoots of pain subside it is a very very erotic experience. I love to bend a woman over the bathroom sink and do it right in front of the mirror, pulling her back to me as I penetrate her, pulling her hair, slapping her ass, calling her names, all in our dance of lust. And we can both watch the show at the same time.


  2. Thank you BJ for your very informative comment. You really added to my knowledge and of course another safety advice to note - being circumspect if the penis is large. I must write a post about how I appreciate so much the way people online have shared so much knolwedge with me! :-) C