Saturday, 16 April 2011

Myth busters: guys should always be ready to up and go

There is a myth that, within reason, men can have sex with any woman any time. Because… you know… men are animals with an insatiable sex drive. Not only is this stereotype demeaning to men, it also places undue pressure on them.

Men, even young men with totally functional bodies, may use performance enhancing drugs to prove they are “studs” or to impress a lady. I REALLY, REALLY, feel men should not feel they HAVE to do this or indeed HAVE to have sex with anyone that asks.

What we have here is a terrible double standard. Women are able to refuse sex without losing face and men feel they have to perform with whomever, whenever.  Of course, they physically can’t gain and maintain an erection on command and then they feel bad.  Even worse, they may feel badly about having unwanted sex or risk catching a disease.      

I certainly don’t feel inadequate if I don’t want to have sex with anyone, especially a first date! Why should a man? Gentlemen – it’s your body – you have every right to decide how it’s used!   

My advice to men is that if they don’t want to have sex, they should feel totally comfortable saying they don’t want to.  I suggest for first dates (when they especially may get propositioned by women looking for hook ups) men use my tactic.  I merely say firmly “I’m sorry, I don’t kiss or have sex on first dates.”  In this way the other person is not disrespected or demeaned by the refusal.

If a person, any person, continues to beg, plead, use emotional blackmail or otherwise try to persuade or coerce someone to have sex when they do not want to, then they have the problem and are impolite, not the person refusing. This is the same for both men and women. Women should not think that men are always ready to up and go and then offend by pressing them to do something they do not want to do.       

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