Saturday, 30 April 2011

Menopause, female libido and sex

Most of my mates are very clever and successful men. As youngsters we were a little like the Big Bang Theory bunch, except little Penny (Candice) was dark haired, almond-eyed and writing a research thesis! I could never equal their innate technical brilliance (I was better with words and cooking), but could at least be in awe of it and feed them!  These days I can provide value by helping them understand the women in their lives.

Most of us understand others by reflecting on our own experiences. It is therefore very hard for men to understand  menopause and its impact.  Even I really only have my own experience to draw on along with what I read. I believe that some marriages are stronger as a result of my advice and in other cases, at least the husband understands enough to be more compassionate.

Most men in middle life have realised how a woman's cycle affects her libido with increased desire and enjoyment of sex coinciding with ovulation. My experience of menopause not suprisingly has been that the peaks that coincided with ovulation have dissappeared and most of the times I feel like I did post ovulation (lower libido, more fatigued) and I have next to none of the high moods I experienced in the pre ovulation period of my cycle. 

The impact of hormone change on my libido has thus been that I am less likely to feel like initiating sex and need more foreplay to become aroused.  In effect, my desire for sex has become more responsive than proactive.  I believe a lot of ladies have responsive desire before menopause, so responsive desire should be understood by men if they want to contribute to the best sex life for their wife and themselves.

Chameleon mini rose

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